


sweat drips, love sticks

by gilbertcest



Category: Vampire Academy Series - Richelle Mead
Genre: F/M, Sexual Content, Student/teacher relationship, in which Rose and Dimitri have lots of aggressive sex and fight a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-25
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-17 00:14:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1366867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gilbertcest/pseuds/gilbertcest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in which Rose is trying to get over and into bed with Dimitri at the same time but only succeeds with one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [cross-posted on ff.net]
> 
> why there won't ever be an update: while writing this story, I got a lot of hate, which made me loose all joy i had while working on it. I really do appreciate all the kudos and comments, but some comments/private messages (on ffnet) were so nasty that it brought me to tears. I didn't feel like working on this after that. I tried long ago to not let haters get to me, but writing is a very personal thing, it's like putting a piece of yourself out there and when it gets hate for stupid reasons, it hurts a lot.
> 
> so, sorry for the lack of more chapters

I knew my last training session with Dimitri hadn't been something to be proud of.

Well, the training in itself had been great. I had gotten to use a silver stake at last, impaled a dozen of dummies over and over again and let out some of my pent-up frustration.

The petty argument we had though wasn't so great.

Then again said argument lead to a pretty passionate kiss, so who was I to complain about that?

I was pretty sure that kissing Dimitri because I was mad wasn't the right reason to do it. But why did I need a reason to kiss him in the first place? I had wanted to and judging by the fact that he had kissed me back, he did, too. I didn't need deep and touchy-feely reasons to kiss guys. I did it because I liked it. That's how it always had been.

And that gave me an idea.

On the Rose Hathaway scale of great ideas, this one would probably score an eight. Which was basically amazing and reckless. The only problem was that my subconscious tried to talk me out of it while I was contemplating the pro's and con's. See, for the past few months since my return to the academy I had really tried to change. Become a better, more responsible person. The thing is, I hadn't realized that after graduation my own personal life would come to an end.

These were my last few months of freedom before I devoted my life to protecting a moroi — hopefully Lissa — at all costs. Even my life.

This was my basic draft: I liked kissing Dimitri. And I wanted to kiss him again.

But after our last kiss, his guard would be up. Which only left one thing for me to do: lower his guard or crush it completely.

I needed to get to him. And then we would be doing more than just kissing.

I was still trying to decide how exactly I was going to archive this while heading down to training the next morning. I had two hours with Dimitri now but I decided I would lay low for a while and start in the afternoon class. I needed to sort my thoughts and I needed him to feel safe for a little while.

With that resolve in mind, I walked into the gym and gave him one of my trademark Rose Hathaway smiles. „Morning, comrade." Noting that there were no dummies around today, I guessed we'd go back to one-on-one combat. Or so I hoped.

Dimitri regarded me with a suspicious look but said nothing.

Still touchy about the kiss then. I could deal with that.

I sighed, trying to play it cool. „Did the cat finally got your tongue, Guardian Belikov?" I had a plan and still had a few training sessions alone with him to set it into motion before we went to the ski resort.

„No." He deadpanned and I rolled my eyes in response. „Fine. So, um, what's the plan for today?"

I dropped my bag on the floor and shrugged off my coat, waiting rather patiently for him to speak.

Dimitri shifted into instructor mode almost instantly. „You've learned how to handle the stake and while you still need a lot of practic, you did well. I was thinking we should go over the basic offensive moves now. Because what's the use of knowing how to stake a Strigoi when you can't get to them?"

„Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence." I said sarcastically but couldn't hide my grin. One-on-one combat it is. My lucky day.

„We both know that you've made a lot of progress but you're still too defensive in a fight. If you can't avoid a Strigoi by running away, you need to be fast. Kill it before it kills you."

„Okay," I said, holding up my hands in mock surrender. „I was just trying to get rid of the bad vibes here. But I get it, okay."

Again he did not reply. I took that as a bad sign. Good fucking job, Rose.

—

An hour later I knew he had been right.

My back hurt from all the times Dimitri had slammed me against a wall or the floor in order to block my hits. To my utter delight, I had actually managed to land some pretty amazing hits myself. And the physical contact was making me dizzy even without my accomplishments.

I liked fighting with Dimitri.

It made me feel jittery. There was a buzz spreading through my body, making me want to slam him up against a wall and do all kinds of dirty things to him… I stopped my line of thinking there.

This was combat training not foreplay, I reminded myself for what felt like the millionth time.

Somehow I got the feeling that Dimitri too was messing those two things up in his mind. Sometimes I caught him giving me a look that was more than just his usually assessing look. He looked passionate.. hungry even, like he was enjoying himself as much as I did.

That of course didn't help very much with my resolve.

When the two hours were up, we both were covered in sweat and I was panting heavily. Dimitri had produced two bottles of water out of a his bag and handed one to me. „You did good." He said and I smiled.

I liked being complimented by him. Especially when it came to fighting. I knew if I could take Dimitri, I had a good chance against a Strigoi.

„You weren't so bad yourself." I teased him, lightheartedly.

At that, he actually laughed.

One of those rare laughs that made my insides pull together and my heart flutter.

I uncapped the bottle but got stuck watching Dimitri. His head was tilted up and he was positively gulping down the whole bottle in one go. The muscles connected to this throat worked as he swallowed and for a second I stared at him, open-mouthed.

Then I caught myself, just before he looked down at me and I drank from my own bottle. I kept eye contact and he gave me a knowing look.

When I finished, he nodded towards the door. „You should hurry or you'll be late for your actual class."

I took off to class, my mind already spinning as to what I should do next.

—

I spend the majority of my classes thinking about how I could get Dimitri to be more relaxed around me, but when the time for our afternoon training came, I was no step closer to finding a solution.

Apparently I wasn't that good at planning on seducing guys, I worked better spontaneously.

I walked back into the gym, with a small smile on my lips. Mason was with me. He had insisted on walking me there, telling me he had nothing better to do anyway, which we both knew was a lie. I had also asked him to be my sort-of date for christmas dinner.

I mean, no matter how much I wanted to make out with Dimitri, I knew that we couldn't really be together.

Not now, not ever.

So maybe being with Mason would help me get over this infuriation I had with my mentor.

„Belikov isn't here yet." Mason stated, looking around the gym. „So what exactly are you guys doing right now?"

I smiled up at him, a coy smirk playing on my lips. „One-on-one combat mostly. I had a brief intro with the stake yesterday."

„Oh," He said, grinning down at me. „Did he finally let you touch his stake?"

I gave him a shove but laughed. If only Mason knew. „Yes, he did. But I'd rather touch yours, Ashford." I said, smiling seductively.

Mason's teasing attitude turned into something more serious. I realized that we were standing very close all of a sudden and his hand came up to cup my cheek. „You only have to ask, Hathaway, and I'm all yours."

I closed the distance between us. It was more curiosity than lust. I wanted to know if kissing Mason would feel as exhilarating as kissing Dimitri.

Our lips brushed and a warm feeling rose up in my chest. The hand that had been resting on my cheek found it's way to my neck and Mason pulled my closer. He opened his mouth and I let my tongue slide in.

It felt good.

Very good, to be honest.

But it was only a tickling compared to the kiss I had shared with Dimitri yesterday.

Mason's other hand travelled down my side and over my hips until they landed on my ass. I let out a small giggle at that. I hadn't planned on turning this into a full-fledged make out scene, but somehow the thought of Dimitri walking in on me kissing Mason was keeping me there.

I slung my arms around Mason's neck. He took that as an encouragement and now both of his hands were grabbing my ass, pressing our bodies closer together.

Someone clearing his throat made Mason step away from me hastily.

Dimitri was standing in the doorway, his face seemingly expressionless. I, however, could see the fire in his dark eyes.

He was pissed. Good.

„S-sorry, Guardian Belikov." Mason said, clearly flustered and stepped further away from me. He gave him an apologetic smile. „I guess we just got kind of carried away."

Dimitri stepped close, his expression or rather the lack thereof unchanging. When he didn't say anything, Mason grew more uncomfortable. Meanwhile I was enjoying this and had a hard time keeping a smile off my face.

„I should probably go." Mason said, then turned to me. „See you later."

I smiled, watching him hurry past Dimitri and out of the gym. Then slowly, I looked at my mentor. „Sorry about that." I said, trying hard to sound nonchalant about it.

Dimitri regarded me with a look that increased my heartbeat and started walking towards me. „Are you really?" He asked, once he was standing in front of me.

„Yeah." I said, smiling up at him. „I mean, you're my teacher and this is for all intends and purposes a class. I shouldn't be making out with anyone during class."

Dimitri sighed.

„So, more offensive training?" I asked.

„No." — „No?"

Dimitri looked down at me. „No, Rose. I think we need to talk."

„Okay.." Now I was kind of worried. Had this been too much?

„Like you said, I am your teacher." He started, I was tempted to throw in a smart-ass comment but stopped myself. I was really curious and worried about what he was going to say next. „I know there have been instances, where I have acted like there was something more between us. But.. there isn't."

Ouch. I tried to keep my expression even.

„I also know that you might be angry with me because of these situations, but fact is: I am your teacher and you're my student. If you don't respect me, I can't train you."

Now I openly gaped at him. „Are you serious?" I asked, and realized anger was bubbling up inside of me. „Look, I have absolutely no idea what's going on inside of your head, but if that's how you react to me making out with a guy, then you're the one who's out of line."

Dimitri was rendered speechless. He opened his mouth, closed it again. After taking a deep breath, he finally spoke. „This is not about you and Mr. Ashford."

I was tempted to say that it was about us then, but I figured that would be a mistake. I raked my brain for a response but I was seething. „You know, respect goes both ways." I finally said.

Dimitri's face hardened. „You don't think I respect you?"

„You're certainly not acting like you do." I retorted. We were standing only a few feet apart and glaring at each other. That had not been part of my plan.

„Enough." Dimitri said, finality in his voice and turned around.

I hadn't planned on fighting but now that we were, my emotions got the better of me. I caught up with him, my hand gripping his shoulder to spin him around.

He turned, alright. But in doing that, he had me pressed against a wall and was glaring down at me. „Don't, Roza."

I looked defiantly up at him.

Our bodies were so close, I could smell his aftershave. Well, this was awfully déjà vu like.

I couldn't believe it had only been twenty-four hours since the last time Dimitri had me pressed against a wall. I could certainly see myself get used to this.

He seemed to remember too and stepped away.

„Don't walk away." I warned him. „If you mean what you said, then stay. Be my teacher."

He looked at me for a while and I couldn't tell what he was thinking. Then, he turned and walked away.

I was alone in the gym.

Well fuck.


	2. Chapter 2

I managed to hide out in my room for the rest of the day. With classes coming to an end for the christmas vacations, all the students were trying to be as social as possible. There had been a few knocks on my door throughout the evening but I had ignored them.

At some point I felt Lissa worrying about me through the bond, but now she was calm and happy. I knew that she was with Christian, cuddled in a love seat somewhere in the Moroi dorms. She thought I was probably with Mason.

As the evening progressed, I grew restless in my room. I browsed through some of the books I had, but grew bored very quickly. I napped for a few hours. When it was way past curfew, I simply lay on my bed staring up at the ceiling wishing I was dead.

That's when someone knocked on my door again.

A quick check through the bond told me it wasn't Lissa sneaking over. Sighing, I got up. It was probably Mason, who came to check up on me or make out. I opened the door, a snarky remark already on my lips. Then I froze.

It was Dimitri.

„Hello."

I stared at him, while going through my brain, looking for something to say. „Is everything okay?" I asked finally.

„Yes." Dimitri said, but frowned. „Well, not really. Can I come in?"

I nodded, stepping away to let him inside. When he stood in the middle of my room, looking around with mild interest, I closed the door. Crossing my arms over my chest, I turned to face him. „So, what's going on, comrade?"

Dimitri looked like he didn't even hear what I'd said. „I've been thinking about what you said earlier today. And you're right. I'm your teacher. I shouldn't be distracted by those things."

I was tempted to ask him what exactly those things were but held back.

„From now on our relationship is strictly related to training. I'm your teacher, you're my student."

„Do you want me to refer to you as Guardian Belikov now?" I asked, my eyebrows knit together. It was hard to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.

„No, Rose." Dimitri said, with a sigh. „I care about you and I know that you care about me, too. I want us to move past what's happening between us right now and be friends."

„Like you and Tasha?" I asked, thinking about how freely the two of them had talked and joked with each other.

Dimitri pursed his lips. „No, like you and me."

I uncrossed me arms, smiling slightly. „So… friends then?"

He smiled back at me. „Yes, friends. And now go to sleep, we'll train in the morning."

„What?" I gasped. „But it's christmas!"

„So?" With that he walked past me and opened the door. „Once you're a guardian, you won't get a free pass because it's christmas. I'll meet you at sunset."

I sighed. „Fine."

—

After getting ready for bed, I lay awake for a while thinking about what had happened. So Dimitri had basically asked me for a ceasefire.

And I accepted.

I hadn't given up on my plan though. The thought about being friends with him was great, but how could I be his friend when I thought about sticking my tongue down his throat every waking moment?

I would lay awake all night if I attempted to find a solution for my problem, so with a sigh I turned around and forced myself to fall asleep.

—

When I woke up the next morning, the sky was already turning purple. Grumbling, I got out of bed and pulled on yoga pants and a tanktop. That was my fancy training outfit. My casual training outfit were loose sweatpants and a hoodie. I felt like our special christmas training deserved my fancy outfit. Besides my body looked great in these clothes.

To be safe, I took a cardigan with me. You never knew when Dimitri felt like doing laps.

I hurried down the stairs and grabbed two granola bars on my way out. Dimitri caught up with me just as I was about to step outside.

„Morning." I told him, grumpily and held out one of the granola bars.

Laughing, he took it. „Good morning."

And just like I had guessed, or feared, Dimitri made me run laps. The only positive thing about it was that he ran with me.

It was cold and the grounds were covered in snow. „You are trying to kill me, aren't you?" I asked, when we made our way to the salted path, eating our granola bars.

„No." He replied seriously. „I know that you're fast. But you need to be prepared for everything."

„Even snow?" I complained. „Even snow." He nodded.

After that we didn't do much talking. Both of us had to concentrate on not stepping on ice and slip. It was exhausting. We didn't really run, it was more like a jog and I grew bored quickly.

I was looking for a topic but I came up empty.

Thankfully Dimitri found something. „So, are you excited for the ski lodge?" He asked and sounded very much like another student.

I shrugged. „It sounds like it's going to be fun but I also keep thinking about why we're going there and it just kind of makes all the excitement go away."

„I understand."

We were silent after that for a few laps and nothing really happened until Dimitri slipped over an iced patch and almost fell.

Almost because I was able to catch his arm and hold him up.

„Woah, there." I said, breathlessly. My arms still wrapped around one of his and smiled. „You okay?"

„Yes." He looked shaken up.

„Obviously." I said, grinning now. „Because I saved you."

He chuckled and looked at me. I was painfully aware of how my hands were touching his body and my heart stuttered for a few beats.

I let go of him.

„I think that's enough for today." Dimitri finally said and we headed back to the dorm.

—

After a quick shower, I headed down to breakfast which was a little more festive today. I didn't see Mason on my way, so I just loaded my plate with everything and sat down next to Lissa.

„Hey." She said, smiling brightly at me. „Where have you been?"

„Running laps." I replied, starting to dig into my plate. I was starving.

„Oh." She said, then she frowned. „What about last night?"

„So, she wasn't with you either?"

It was Mason who had asked. He sat down on my other side and looked at me with a curious expression.

„I was tired." I said, defensively. „I had an early night."

They both looked unconvinced. I ignored them in favor of my food.

After breakfast, Lissa and Christian said they were going for a walk. Through the bond, Lissa reminded me that I was invited to Tasha's christmas dinner and I nodded, showing her that I'd heard her.

Then Mason and I were alone.

It was a little awkward. I knew he wanted to talk about what had happened before Dimitri walked in on us yesterday but I didn't know what to say.

What was I supposed to do?

Dimitri and I had agreed on being friends. Yet my heart and body still wanted to be more than that.

And Mason? I just didn't know.

Maybe my initial plan of forgetting about Dimitri by falling in love with Mason was the right answer.

„Hello, earth to Rose—"

I glanced up, perplexed. „Uh, what?"

„I was telling you about how some novices are planning to have a snowball fight in the woods. Are you interested?"

„Of course, I am." I said excitedly and a smile spread on my lips. „Let's go."

—

The snowball fight was fun at fist but at some point things got really messy. Novices were attacking everyone, teams that had been formed were broken up and someone even ended up with pants full of snow.

Some guardians who had heard us, put a quick stop to it all and when I got back to the dorm I didn't feel like taking another shower but I had been sweating so much that I did anyway.

After that I didn't have much time to waste before it was time for Tasha's christmas dinner. I wore a maroon sweater, one that Lissa had gotten for me, and dark jeans. Too lazy to do anything fancy, I blow-dried my hair and let it hang loose.

When Mason picked me up from my room, he stared at me with adoring eyes. „You look amazing."

„Thanks." I said, smiling at him. „Shall we?"

It didn't take long to cross over campus and enter the guest building. When we arrived, only Lissa, Christian and Tasha were there. They greeted us with happy smiles and we sat, waiting for the others to join us.

I was informed that both Dimirti and my mother were invited and I forced a fake smile. „Great. One big happy family."

Tasha laughed at that. „Indeed."

Not long after that both my mom and Dimitri walked in. They both were grim faced and their conversation stopped when they joined us. I wanted to ask what was going on but I had no doubt that guardian stuff would strain the mood.

When we sat down at the table, I was between Mason and Lissa and Christian sat on her other side, while my Dimitri sat across from me between Tasha and my mom. We kept looking at each other. But I don't think anybody else noticed.

As the dinner went on, Tasha made us all laugh and it was amazing. I really did like her and her ability to diffuse potentially awkward situations. Like for example my mom at a dinner with me and my new boyfriend.

It had been Christian who had pointed out that Mason and I were sort of together now. Since we hadn't had the talk yet, neither of us knew how to respond to that so it seemed like it was the accepted truth.

I might have had imagined it but for a while Dimitri looked a little grim.

That of course changed once Tasha started teasing us. „Oh, so many couples here and you're all younger than me. I'm afraid I will forever be alone."

My mother laughed at that and I stared at her. Even though Tasha had said it in a light tone, it still wasn't really funny. Apparently both Tasha and my mom didn't think so. Dimitri looked torn.

And I was confused.

The rest of the dinner wasn't much different. We laughed, we had awkward moments and as time passed suspicion crept through me. When it was time to exchange presents, I took and gave them without paying too much attention.

Then it was time to leave. Lissa and Christian made their way to the Moroi dorms, while my mom, Dimitri, Mason and I walked towards my dorm.

Now this was really weird.

Mason's and my hand were intwined and we were walking a few steps before the other two. He told me that Eddie had managed to score some alcohol and was planning on having a small party tonight.

When I turned my head to tell him that I couldn't wait, I saw that my mother was smiling slightly but Dimitri looked stone faced, his eyes fixed on our joined hands. Good.

Upon entering our dorm, my mom cleared her throat. „Rose, I'd like to have a word with you."

I nodded and both Dimitri and Mason left us alone. My mom pulled me away from the crowd and stepped close to me. Maybe she wanted to apologize for my black eye, I thought. A true christmas miracle.

But of course she didn't.

„Do you love him?"

For a second I thought she had found out about me and Dimitri but I quickly realized that she was talking about Mason. „Uh, I like him. A lot." I said slowly.

My mother looked relieved. „Good."

I frowned. „Why is that good?"

„Because you're about to graduate, Rose. In a few months you will be guardians."

And then I got it. She didn't want me to fall in love with someone, when we both knew I couldn't be with him. She was actually trying to protect me. „I get it. Thanks for the concern, mom." And then another thought struck me. „Why did you laugh when Tasha said that she would end up alone?"

She smiled at me. „Because if things go as she has planned them, soon she will have a guardian, a lover and children. And that's more than we all can hope for."

I frowned. „How?"

„Guardian Belikov."

My jaw dropped. „What? Dimitri? But he's Lissa's guardian. And… children?"

„Tasha is ready to have dhampir children. It's a great chance for Guardian Belikov."

I gaped at her. „No." Fury was starting to rise inside of me, overshadowing my disbelief.

„Oh, Rose." My mother laughed. „Don't you worry about that."

And with that she left me alone. Before I could even manage to close my mouth, Mason was there. „You okay?"

I swallowed my rage and forced myself to smile. „Yeah. So, where's the party?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning for: underage alcohol consumption and consensual sex with a minor

Mason led me to one of the upper floors. I was still pissed because of what my mom had told me about Dimitri and Tasha possibly running off to have little dhampir babies. After telling Mason that I didn't want to talk about, he dropped it.

There were a lot of empty rooms up there and the other novices had managed to tidy one of those up. They had even pushed some of the couches from the other rooms into this one, so there was enough room for all the seniors.

When we arrived, the party was already full in swing and there was music coming from small portable loudspeakers. Besides me, Meredith was the only other girl here.

And she didn't look happy to see me holding Mason's hand.

I recalled what Lissa had told me the other day and felt a pang of regret. If she was really into him, I might have ruined her chance at enjoying her last couple of months before graduation.

Maybe I should get Eddie to ask her out, I thought. But tonight I was too angry to care about all of that. I just wanted to get drunk… and maybe kick Dimitri's ass.

„Ashford! Hathaway! You're late."

And just like that, Eddie swooped in and handed us each a cup. „What's that?" Mason asked but I had already gulped half of it down. „Ugh." I groaned, shuddering as my throat and stomach burned. „Vodka with a little bit of something. But mostly vodka."

Eddie and Mason laughed, as I finished the rest of my drink. „Hey, slow down there, soldier." Eddie warned me and Mason gave me a worried look. „You have amazing hair, Rose, but I'd rather not hold it back while you puke your guts out."

I glared at them, my body already feeling hot. „I can handle my liquor, thank you very much."

After that the mood settled, but I could feel Mason eyeing me warily as I drank more than I should have. Soon, I felt dizzy and instead of calming down, my anger started to buzz through me, impatiently urging me to do something.

At some point people started to leave. I watched two guys sneak off together and couldn't help a smile. They were some of the luckier novices. With only a handful dhampir girls the making out possibilities were limited for the others right now.

Inspired by my classmates, I turned around catching Mason mid-sentence and pressed my lips on his. We had been sitting on a couch, his hand playing with mine absentmindedly. But with a surprised noise in the back of his throat, he leaned towards me and kissed me back.

When I moved to sit on his lap, he stopped me, looking like he regretted his decision. „You're drunk, Rose."

„So what?" I asked, incredulously.

„So everything. Our first time making out won't be while you can't walk in a straight line."

„Fine." I grumbled and got up shakily. „I'm leaving then."

„Where are you going?" Mason asked. „Bed. And don't you dare come after me." I muttered and didn't bother to listen to his next words. For a drunk person I was surprisingly fast. Or it felt like that to me.

I stumbled down the stairs, one hand sliding down the wall for support as I went. I was almost at my room, when I remembered something. Little dhampir babies. That was all I needed and by the time I reached Dimitri's room, I was seething.

I knocked on the door with a little bit too much force.

Dimitri opened the door, a guarded expression on his face. „Rose, what's—"

I didn't let him speak. Instead I shoved hard against his chest and he stumbled backwards into the room. I followed, glaring up at him and kicked the door shut. I realized my hands were shaking.

„Are you drunk?" Dimitri asked. „So not the point." I retorted. „I heard about your little arrangement with Tasha. Guardian with benefits, huh?"

Dimitri sighed.

„Don't react like that." I practically yelled. He backed off, I followed.

„It's not like I kept it a secret from you." He started, but I cut him off. „Yes, you just didn't tell me, which - oh wait - is keeping it a secret."

„Roza, please."

„No, don't talk. Listen." I said and suddenly I didn't felt dizzy anymore. My mind was clear and I realized that under all this anger, I was hurt. Really hurt. Which only made me all the more angry. „You're just going to leave me? For Tasha?"

„Rose, we're friends."

„Who? You and her or you and me?"

„You and I."

„You're a fucking liar and you know it. If you want to convince me, convince yourself first. I see the way you look at me. I see the way you react when I'm with Mason. You're jealous. Because you love me. I know do you."

„Rose." There was a warning in his tone but I ignored him. His eyes told me what I needed to know.

I closed the distance between us and pressed a hard kiss on his lips. „No, Rose, don't." He protested against my lips, but when his hands came around my body they didn't push me back.

Using my own body, I pushed him backward until his legs hit the bed and we toppled over. „For once in your life, just stop fighting." I said and all the frustration that had been inside of me came rushing back to the surface. „I'm not asking you to marry me. I want you to fuck me."

I pressed my lips back on his before he could reply and kissed him.

The kiss was aggressive, nothing like our other kisses. Not just hungry, but it felt like we wanted to tear each other apart. I realized that he was just as mad as I was and when his hands found the hem of my sweater, I let him pull it over my head.

He sat up, his lips landing on my neck, while my hands found their way into his hair. They were as silky as I remembered. Pulling them on my way down, he tilted his head up. His lips were parted and he looked pissed that I had stopped him from kissing my neck. I ducked down and placed a kiss on his throat instead, letting my teeth graze it and he groaned.

My hands travelled down Dimitri's back and after I pulled his shirt up, I pushed him back down on the bed and kissed all over his torso. Meanwhile Dimitri managed to unclasp my bra and I shrugged it off.

My heart was pounding in my chest. This was what I had wanted. Dimitri was touching me and he looked like he wanted to do all kinds of crazy stuff with my body. But there was also this rage inside of me and I wanted to claw at his chest, bite his flesh and make him scream.

I knew he felt the same, because when he touched me, his hands weren't soft and loving but wild just like mine.

Just before I could pull down his pants, he turned us around and with a moan my back hit the mattress.

„You infuriate me, Roza." Dimitri growled, leaning down to kiss my lips. When he let go, I replied a little breathlessly, „Likewise, comrade."

His pants came off and he pushed down my jeans and underwear. Then he parted my legs. If this had been any other time, I would've been anxious. But right now, I was frustrated and desperate. He lowered himself down to me and our bodies pressed together. His arms held him up, so that I wasn't carrying all of his weight but it was still enough to drive me crazy. My fingers gripped his back and I could feel my nails digging into his skin.

Dimitri leaned down and kissed one of my breasts. Slowly, I felt him push against me and my legs fell further apart. My hips came up to meet his eagerly and he carefully slid inside of me. „Fuck." I groaned once he stopped moving. I felt so full, like I was about to explode. But it also felt like an itch that I needed to scratch.

„Move." I growled.

He did.

Just like before, it was slow at first yet it left me panting in no time at all. And then we picked up speed. I watched Dimitri's hair fall around his head and our eyes locked. The electric feeling that sometimes went through us made my body tingle and I closed my eyes, my nails digging deeper.

It felt like my whole body was on fire. My lips hungrily kissed every part of him I could reach. He was thrusting faster into me now and I felt like my insides were pulling themselves together, ready to jump apart at any moment. I never had sex before but I've had plenty of orgasms and I knew I was getting close. So close. And I felt helpless under him.

Catching him off guard, again, I used my whole body to turn us around. He slipped out of me for a moment, but I quickly crawled on top of him. I braced myself by placing my hands on his chest and lowered myself down on his body, closing my eyes as I went.

After that I set a quick pace, Dimitri's hips met mine with each thrust and his hands were gripping my hips tightly. I let my head fall back, getting lost in the pleasure and gasped when I felt one of his hands cupping my cunt. His fingers started to make quick circular motions on my clit and I started to shake in anticipation. „Oh, my god."

I tried to keep quiet but it was hard. It felt overwhelming, all the stimulation and suddenly my body started to shake uncontrollably. I felt something spread through my body, a hotness, a buzz, that made me slump back against him. Dimitri came with me and if it hadn't been for his hands holding me up, I would have fallen on his chest.

Which was what happened after a moment. I didn't move away from him and after a few seconds his arms came up around me and he hugged me closer to him.

„That was amazing." Dimitri said softly. And I chuckled against his chest.

For a few minutes we were both relaxed and I had a dumb smile on my face until I remembered why I had come here in the first place. Sitting up, I glared down at him.

His expression hardened instantly.

I stumbled out of the bed and hastily pulled my clothes back on. So did he.

„This shouldn't have happened." He said.

„We finally agree on something." I scoffed and buttoned up my jeans.

„Rose, I'm serious."

„So, am I." I replied and before he could say anything else, I hurried out of the room and ran back to my own.

Somehow I had imagined to be more happy about accomplishing my goal. Or having sex for the first time.

This had been my plan, right? Get to him. Screw him.

So why didn't I feel like I had won? Why did I feel like I had lost?

Easy, because I couldn't have Dimitri.

But Tasha could.

And then I did something I hadn't done in a while.

I cried myself to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

_I was lying at a beach, the sun shining down at me. It felt amazing. The heat of the day had me covered in a thin layer of sweat and from somewhere far away I could hear music. As I stared ahead, I watched the waves and felt how they reached my toes._

I was happy. Relaxed.

The musical beat came closer and closer, until it started to make me feel uncomfortable. I turned around to complain about it… then I woke up.

I realized the beat I'd been hearing in my dream was a mix of my own pounding head and somebody knocking insistently at my door.

„Come on, Rose. Get up!"

I did, slowly. My movements felt sluggish and even though the knocking stopped, my body still felt like I'd been run over by a truck.

Ugh, I'm never drinking again.

I opened the door and found Mason standing there, a bag slung over his shoulder. That's when I finally put two and two together. The ski lodge. Today.

„How much time have I got?" I asked, running a hand through my messy hair.

„Half an hour." He said with a half smile. „Crap." I muttered, turning around so fast my head started spinning. „I really needed a shower."

„Sorry, if you want to get something to eat, the shower has to wait."

„I know." I sighed.

Mason waited for me outside while I got dressed and hastily packed a bag. With no time for a bathroom break, I grabbed my toothbrush and ran it over my teeth. That's when I froze.

I had slept with Dimitri last night.

I had actually done it. _We_ had actually done it.

And it had been amazing. Physically speaking.

But emotionally? Well, I felt drained. And if I started to think about it right now, I would probably start crying again.

Shaking myself mentally, I stuffed my toothbrush into my bag and met up with Mason.

—

Breakfast was rushed. Everybody was talking in loud, excited voices, while I desperately wished that life had a mute button.

I realized now how much I've had to drink last night. Back then it had felt like I was sober, but now that I thought about it, maybe I hadn't really been…

Lissa who had picked up on my bad mood, gave me a warm smile and handed me an aspirin. When I frowned at her, she just said, „Mason told me."

I nodded in understanding, which hurt my pounding head. „Thanks." And after I finished my food, I swallowed the painkiller.

It didn't help much.

—

St. Vladimir's had a few private jets that would take us to the ski lodge and while the teachers assigned us to the right seats, I leaned against Mason, my eyes closed. His arm had wrapped around my shoulders and even though it was cold, I felt warm in his embrace.

I remembered the previous night.

I couldn't help myself.

Whenever I closed my eyes for too long, I'd see those dark brown eyes staring down at me, that silky hair framing his face and recalled the feeling of his hands on my body.

Mason squeezed my arm and my eyes shot open. „Come on. We're up."

He let his hand slide down my arm and grabbed my hand. Lissa and Christian where already gone, and I frowned a little. Had I fallen asleep for a moment back there?

As we walked through the plane and I saw the two of them sitting up front. Lissa gave me a quick smile and Christian whispered, „Wow, Rose, I didn't think you could walk on your own yet."

I glared at him.

A few seats behind them sat Dimitri. With Tasha.

My glare only intensified at the sight of the two. Tasha gave me a quick smile. „Hey there, Rose."

I nodded in response, barely holding back a hiss and ignored Dimitri completely. I couldn't look at him. Not after what had happened between us.

Mason and I sat down pretty far back on the plane and the moment I took my seat, I let my head drop against the window, closing my eyes again.

—

I didn't remember falling asleep but a gentle shake woke me up eventually. „We've arrived." Mason said, excitement gleaming in his eyes.

I felt a little bit better after the nap and finally managed a small smile. I still felt hungover though and miserable and wanted nothing more than to sleep it off.

I didn't pay much attention to my surroundings as I walked next to Lissa. Watching where my feet went was my priority. My headache had lessened but it was still an unpleasant buzz.

The room that had been assigned to me and Lissa was twice as big as my own at the academy. We both had queen sized beds and a walk-in bathroom, which had a giant bathtub. The decoration screamed classy and expensive. I was instantly drawn in by the promise of a hot shower and the fluffy bed. So when Lissa asked if I was coming with her, I shocked my head.

„I need to take a shower first." I didn't want to waste my time here, but even the thought of skiing now made me want to cry. „And maybe a few more hours of sleep."

Lissa gave me a quick hug. „I'll tell Mason."

„Thanks."

Once I was alone, I walked into the bathroom. I slowly took of my clothes and realized a floor-length mirror on the wall. Glancing at myself, I gasped. There was a bruise on my hip and I was pretty sure I knew where it had come from.

Not training. No, there were a few others on my legs. They looked older.

But the one on my hip was fresh. Last night fresh.

Without thinking about it, my fingers gently touched the spot. Memories of last night flashed through me. I had lost my virginity. After seventeen years and lots of boys, it had been Dimitri.

From all the guys I could have had, I had picked the guy who would ignore me the day after. Typical me.

Well, you couldn't choose who you fall in love with right?

I stopped.

Love?

Was I really in love with Dimitri? I definitely felt something for him, alright and it was stronger than anything I had ever felt for a guy. But lately the warm fuzzy feelings were always accompanied by anger and frustration. Maybe not being able to have him was what was so interesting about him.

But even as I thought about it, I knew that wasn't all there is. There were things about him that I actually loved. Like the way his hair would cover his face when he was reading those ridiculous western novels, or the way his duster would billow in the wind when he walked towards me or his eyes drinking me in like I was as much as a mystery to him as he was to me.

I sighed.

Taking a shower and sleeping seemed like the best plan of action now. And that was exactly what I did.

—

I awoke with the feeling of being watched. Turning around I caught Lissa looking at me with a worried expression.

„Good morning." I muttered, my voice hoarse. The headache, I realized excitedly, was finally gone.

„More like good evening." Lissa laughed. The worry eased off her face but stayed in the bond.

„What's wrong?" I asked, frowning as I shuffled around to sit up. „Nothing." She replied hastily. „At least not with me or anybody else. It's just…—"

„You're worried about me." I finished for her. She nodded. „Look, Liss, I just had too much to drink, there's no need for you to feel like this."

„It's not just that, Rose." Lissa said, looking at me pointedly. I knew what she meant. I could feel her after all.

„Ever since you came back from- from the Badica's, you're acting different. Like the old you."

„I'm not." I said automatically.

„No, you're right… Even back then you told me everything. Now I feel like you've closed yourself off to me. We barely talk."

I got up and walked over to where she sat on her own bed. „Lissa, don't think that, you're my best friend." I draped an arm around her and smiled slightly. „It's just there are a few things you wouldn't understand and I don't want to burden you with it."

„But Rose, don't you see what you're doing? You're treating me like a child. You can tell me anything. If it bothers you, I will try to understand and help you. In any way I can."

I could feel that she was being honest. I sighed again. This wasn't making lying to her any easier. „I can't. At least not right now."

She looked hurt. „Liss, I don't even know what I'm feeling myself, how can I tell you when I don't know what to tell?"

She thought this was about the Strigoi attack and pitied me. It was to an extent. It had been the reason for my change of heart. But I couldn't tell her about Dimitri and me because for once I had no idea how she would react.

Lissa nodded. „I just want you to know, I'm here for you. For anything."

„I know." I gave her a quick hug and tried to change the topic. „So, what have you been up to while I was sleeping?"

It worked, sort of. Lissa chuckled, I could feel her relaxing but the worry was still there. „Oh, Rose, it's so wonderful. But Mason and Eddie almost broke their necks, trying to impress everyone."

I laughed. „Damn, I really have missed a lot."

„You should have a look around, I think Mason's still out there. If you hurry you might still catch them."

„This late?" Lissa nodded. „No curfew."

„Neat." I scrambled up, pulling my hair in a high ponytail and with a quick smile towards Lissa, I left.

Our room was in the second floor of the wing that had been cleared for 's and judging by the silence, most of the students were still out there mingling.

Feeling fresh, I skipped down the hall and I couldn't help but take everything in. The walls were decorated with expensive looking portraits and every now and then, there would a plant that looked far too green to be real.

I came to a halt when I spotted a tall figure standing with their back turned towards me. Even if the hall had been filled with people, I would have still spotted him instantly. I thought about backing off and running away but he had already heard me and turned.

The expression on his face changed instantly.

Fuck.

„Rose."

I swallowed my shock and collected myself. „Let me guess: we need to talk?" I tried my best to imitate his accent and voice, sounding extra serious. I didn't want him to see that I was hurt, so I did what I could do best; be sarcastic.

„Yes." He replied simply not fazed by my behavior.

„Okay, so let's talk." I said, putting my hands on my hips. But he shook his head, looking around. „Not here, Roza. Come with me."

I nodded, my lips pressed together in a fine line to keep myself from saying anything I would regret and followed him down the hall.


End file.
